Are you sensitive to criticism? December 27, 2010

I hope you’re finding yourself feeling a bit more aware of your response to compliments since the last blog on that subject.  How about criticisms?  It’s difficult to get through a life time without a lot of small, medium and large criticisms. 

If someone says a throw away comment which feels like a criticism or an insult – how do you react to that?  From my experience of coaching fabulous ladies, I find that most of us allow a criticism to cut to the core.  It sits in our heads and we re-live the negative feelings forever more and yet a compliment just vaporises away as if it never happened.  Isn’t that interesting?

By raising our awareness we can live more consciously and choose how we deal with compliments and criticisms.  So when you feel criticised, it may sting, you may initially feel a negative emotion but stop and think about what’s happening. 

Where are these words coming from?  From a place of love/support or from a place of negativity?  Choose to address what’s been said, breath slowly, relax your muscles and choose feel the warmth of someone caring enough to pass on their thoughts.  Review where there may be merit to the issue, what common ground there could be and take any necessary action, then it let go…. and move on!!!  After all, why wouldn’t you?  You have a fabulous life to lead which is a blessing in its self!

If you are enjoying these reflections and tips please do tell your friends and family – ask them to sign up for their 7 Fed Up to Fabulous Tips at www.daringdamsels.com

Quote of the day:  “Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone” Arab Proverb

Wishing you happiness

 Ali xx

 Ali Soleil – Feminine Mentor

 www.DaringDamsels.com

Feeling snowed under this Christmas? December 23, 2010

Can you believe it’s almost Christmas?  It seems like the last one was only a few months ago… not a whole year!

If you’re like me you’ve still got a list of preparations on your mind or written down which you feel need to be taken care of before midnight on Christmas Eve.  Here in the UK we’ve been blessed with a lot of snow, which is even making online shopping touch and go… will the couriers get through with our orders?  Will Santa make it? 

I’ve been receiving many emails from my clients over the last few weeks who are really feeling the strain of the additional tasks which they ‘need’ to complete on top of their usual workload. Do you feel this too? If you do, you’re certainly not alone and I remember feeling this way especially when my girls were younger.

Looking back on those days of making everything ‘perfect’ I have to consider, who was it really for? At the time, I would have said for my husband and girls – to make their Christmas special and memorable. I also remember the high demands I put on myself to get it just right – even if I was exhausted, often staying up late in the run up to the big day, not usually getting to bed much before 1am on Christmas Eve feeling shattered. Is that you too?

With the beauty of hindsight I can honestly say that they would have had just much fun and enjoyed it as much if I’d done half the extras. One of the reasons could have been my lower self esteem. Wanting to over compensate for my lack of feeling good enough and so striving for perfection, not feeling confident to just make it ok (which would have been more than good enough). I’d usually be feeling cross and resentful that all the strain feel on my shoulders – but looking back… who was putting pressure on me? Only me….

If this is resonating with you, you’re not the only one.  Remember it’s your Christmas time too.  A time to celebrate, enjoy, put your feet up and scoff some chocs! I’m here to say you’re more than good enough already and if you need permission to let go and put yourself first, please let me give that to you now. 

Taking care of you is more important than anything.  Keeping well and happy, you’ll then be able to enjoy yourself whilst taking care of the others. 

1. Consider what is essential, what has to be done.  Keep it simple and real.  Make a list if you find this useful and choose the most important tasks still to be completed. 
2. Plan when you want to do your last food/present shop – and ask someone to help you if that will make it more efficient and enjoyable.
3. Acknowledge what you’ve already achieved.
4. Who could you ask to help share the load?  Partner?  Older child?  Parent?  Friend?  Often partners seem oblivious to the strain and can’t understand why you’re feeling resentful, so do put them out of their misery.  Lovingly let them know you would appreciate some help.
5. Say ‘no’ to others requests if it takes you away from your ‘to do list’ – choose not to feel guilty.
6. Remember to choose to take regular breaks of 5 minutes of so.  Just stop, remember to relax, breath, focus on positive thoughts and how wonderful the days of Christmas will be.  Feel gratitude for all that you have and for what you have achieved.
7. Reward yourself each evening with a treat.  Perhaps a soak in a bubbly bath, a glass of wine, light some candles… Give yourself permission to enjoy yourself, happily reflect, to celebrate the Christmas season. 

I’m only ever an email/text/telephone call away if you want someone to speak to over Christmas, please don’t feel alone (go to contact me page for info). I wish you a magical Christmas and a fabulous New Year!

With much love and celebration

 Ali xx

 Ali Soleil – Feminine Mentor Daring Damsels – www.daringdamsels.com