If someone says a throw away comment which feels like a criticism or an insult – how do you react to that?  From my experience of coaching fabulous ladies, I find that most of us allow a criticism to cut to the core.  It sits in our heads and we re-live the negative feelings forever more and yet a compliment just vaporises away as if it never happened.  Isn’t that interesting?

By raising our awareness we can live more consciously and choose how we deal with compliments and criticisms.  So when you feel criticised, it may sting, you may initially feel a negative emotion but stop and think about what’s happening. 

Where are these words coming from?  From a place of love/support or from a place of negativity?  Choose to address what’s been said, breath slowly, relax your muscles and choose feel the warmth of someone caring enough to pass on their thoughts.  Review where there may be merit to the issue, what common ground there could be and take any necessary action, then it let go…. and move on!!!  After all, why wouldn’t you?  You have a fabulous life to lead which is a blessing in its self!

If you are enjoying these reflections and tips please do tell your friends and family – ask them to sign up for their 7 Fed Up to Fabulous Tips at www.daringdamsels.com

Quote of the day:  “Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone” Arab Proverb

Wishing you happiness

 Ali xx

 Ali Soleil – Feminine Mentor

 www.DaringDamsels.com

If you’re like me you’ve still got a list of preparations on your mind or written down which you feel need to be taken care of before midnight on Christmas Eve.  Here in the UK we’ve been blessed with a lot of snow, which is even making online shopping touch and go… will the couriers get through with our orders?  Will Santa make it? 

I’ve been receiving many emails from my clients over the last few weeks who are really feeling the strain of the additional tasks which they ‘need’ to complete on top of their usual workload. Do you feel this too? If you do, you’re certainly not alone and I remember feeling this way especially when my girls were younger.

Looking back on those days of making everything ‘perfect’ I have to consider, who was it really for? At the time, I would have said for my husband and girls – to make their Christmas special and memorable. I also remember the high demands I put on myself to get it just right – even if I was exhausted, often staying up late in the run up to the big day, not usually getting to bed much before 1am on Christmas Eve feeling shattered. Is that you too?

With the beauty of hindsight I can honestly say that they would have had just much fun and enjoyed it as much if I’d done half the extras. One of the reasons could have been my lower self esteem. Wanting to over compensate for my lack of feeling good enough and so striving for perfection, not feeling confident to just make it ok (which would have been more than good enough). I’d usually be feeling cross and resentful that all the strain feel on my shoulders – but looking back… who was putting pressure on me? Only me….

If this is resonating with you, you’re not the only one.  Remember it’s your Christmas time too.  A time to celebrate, enjoy, put your feet up and scoff some chocs! I’m here to say you’re more than good enough already and if you need permission to let go and put yourself first, please let me give that to you now. 

Taking care of you is more important than anything.  Keeping well and happy, you’ll then be able to enjoy yourself whilst taking care of the others. 

1. Consider what is essential, what has to be done.  Keep it simple and real.  Make a list if you find this useful and choose the most important tasks still to be completed. 
2. Plan when you want to do your last food/present shop – and ask someone to help you if that will make it more efficient and enjoyable.
3. Acknowledge what you’ve already achieved.
4. Who could you ask to help share the load?  Partner?  Older child?  Parent?  Friend?  Often partners seem oblivious to the strain and can’t understand why you’re feeling resentful, so do put them out of their misery.  Lovingly let them know you would appreciate some help.
5. Say ‘no’ to others requests if it takes you away from your ‘to do list’ – choose not to feel guilty.
6. Remember to choose to take regular breaks of 5 minutes of so.  Just stop, remember to relax, breath, focus on positive thoughts and how wonderful the days of Christmas will be.  Feel gratitude for all that you have and for what you have achieved.
7. Reward yourself each evening with a treat.  Perhaps a soak in a bubbly bath, a glass of wine, light some candles… Give yourself permission to enjoy yourself, happily reflect, to celebrate the Christmas season. 

I’m only ever an email/text/telephone call away if you want someone to speak to over Christmas, please don’t feel alone (go to contact me page for info). I wish you a magical Christmas and a fabulous New Year!

With much love and celebration

 Ali xx

 Ali Soleil – Feminine Mentor Daring Damsels – www.daringdamsels.com

How do you react when you are given a compliment?

What is a compliment? If it’s from a friend or loved one then it comes from a place of kindness – intended from one heart to another. It is a gift. It’s something someone feels or observes which sometimes you can’t see for yourself. You know how good it feels to give a compliment don’t you? I could tell the lady who spoke to me felt great for having the courage to come up to me to give me this gift of a compliment.

So how do you react when someone tells you, you’ve done a good job? Or if they say they like what you’re wearing? Do you thank them with a smile and accept this gift, allowing it to fill you with gratitude that warms your heart. Or do you feel the need to justify saying how cheap the outfit is or that play the compliment and yourself down?

If a compliment is a gift, have you ever wondered how might this make the compliment giver feel? Could it feel like a rejection? Does it leave them and you both feeling a bit empty? Maybe if the compliments are from a loved one, eventually they may stop coming altogether – how sad for both! I find it useful to just be more aware of what’s going on. To be more conscious when a compliment comes my way… I’ve adopted over time the habit of saying ‘thank you’ and meaning it. I don’t justify, I’m just grateful. And it feels soooooo good! I can see the compliment giver feels great to have given the compliment and it’s a win win all round! How lovely!!!! I was so touched by the lady in the supermarket, how kind of her!

So next time someone says they like your handbag or compliments you on a good job done, what will you say? If you’re enjoying receiving my emails, please do tell your female friends and family. Ask them to sign up for their 7 Fed Up to Fabulous Tips on the website and then they too will receive my additional tips and offers too. www.daringdamsels.com

Quote for the day: “A compliment is verbal sunshine” Robert Orben

Wishing you compliments galore!

Ali xx

Feminine Self Esteem Mentor  – www.daringdamsels.com

Knowing what you want is the important thing. Not to worry about the ‘how’… but to keep focused on the outcome, what you want to happen and not get bogged down in the nitty gritty of how it will become your reality.

It’s good for you to have some clarity about what you really want. Most of us know what we don’t want and struggle to know what we do want. As you’re reading this, I know you are wanting to gain higher self esteem and confidence. Imagine how different your home life, family life, career, finances etc will be once you have built these up – these are your reasons for building your self esteem in the first place. If you are unclear about what you want and maybe there are some grey areas in your thinking. You’re not alone, so many clients struggle with this and they book me for a coaching session or more. If you’d like to devote some special time to exploring and discovering just what you do want, email me at ali@daringdamsels.com This is your life, you deserve it to be a fulfilling and happy one!

So, whatever you want or dream of, get into the habit of asking yourself – or even praying to a higher power for an answer every night before you fall asleep. Ask for the way to be shown to you. You may well wake up with more ideas – write them down and keep pen and paper by your bed ready.

What I’ve started doing more recently is keeping a diary just to record the bursts of inspiration. So often we do not do anything with this information or ideas which come from our higher self/Universe and yet they are the very gifts which will guide us on our path. Today I looked at my diary again and had already forgotten to take action on some points – so I was so grateful for having recorded them. That’s what we all do, we get the messages, think wow and then we forget them, so I urge you to keep a record of them and begin taking action.

The way to achieve your dreams may not seem probable or realistic at first glance, it does not mean that it is impossible, just open your mind… and be aware that sometimes the way will be shown in a less likely way than the obvious.

Quote of the day   “Don’t limit yourself. Many people limit themselves to what they think they can do. You can go as far as your mind lets you. What you believe, remember, you can achieve.” Mary Kay Ash

Wishing you all you wish for yourself

Ali xx

Feminine Self Esteem Mentor – www.DaringDamsels.com Have you signed up for your 7 Fed Up to Fabulous Tips yet?

Watch this short video I’ve created for you about regaining your identity, which will support you to raise your self esteem and begin to really live again.  Do comment or email me your thoughts ali@daringdamsels.com.  If you feel ready to make a shift; if your heart is telling you now is your time – then email me about a free consultation where we can explore how I can support you to feel more fabulous and live the life you desire.

Wishing you oodles of self love

Ali xx

Feminine Self Esteem Mentor – www.daringdamsels.com (Sign up for your 7 Fed Up to Fabulous Tips today!)

Watch this video and comment or email me what you like to do ali@daringdamsels.com Looking forward to hearing from you.

Wishing you happiness

Ali xx

Feminine Self Esteem Mentor – www.daringdamsels.com

Have you signed up for your 7 Fed Up to Fabulous Tips yet? – Go to the website and sign up now!

As you may know, I was given the huge privilege of being asked to speak on a radio show in the north of England.  The host of the Feel Good Show at Salford City Radio asked me if I would like to come along and speak about going from Fed Up to Fabulous and give self esteem raising tips. 

My first thought was – “I can’t do that!”

My second thought was  – “Of course you can and you’re going to email back straightway!”.

Isn’t it funny how you can initially think you are not capable of doing something new, something different and something that stretches you?  But when you decide to decide and break down your own barriers you can surprise yourself!  It just takes a leap of faith in yourself, that is all.  

The show went very well, I enjoyed it tremendously and all the feedback has been very positive.  I can’t wait to do another one!  You know don’t you, that when you step outside your comfort zone although initially it can feel uncomfortable, it feels amazing once you’re on the other side!  That is where the magic begins!  You can hear my interview (and conquering another personal challenge!). Click here to listen

So what have you not felt capable or good enough to do?  I’m sure you are already more than capable, more than good enough… you are ready.  This is your time, your time to shine.  Do something this week which stretches you a little and also gives you a big boost!  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  Go for it girlfriend!  And don’t forget to email me at ali@daringdamsels.com and let me know what you chose to do!

Quote of the day

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”  Benjamin Spocks

 Ali xx

Ali Soleil – Feminine Self Esteem Mentor

www.DaringDamsels.com Sign up for your 7 Fed Up to Fabulous Tips now!

I went on a long train journey recently and realised I had forgotten my book.  I looked at the newspaper and magazine stands on the platform and scanned the front covers looking for something that grabbed my attention.  The majority of the front covers gave clues to what was inside – stories of scandal, revelations and shock.

If it’s true you attract what you focus on, you have to be selective about what you read, right? 

So many of the articles in magazines are sensationalised stories of misery and emotional turmoil.  Whilst some stories can inspire many push your energy into a downwards spiral.

As a beautiful intuitive woman, I know you can’t help but imagine how the people in these articles feel; you feel their pain, their misery.  And that doesn’t feel good, does it?  It’s the same with television programmes such as The Jeremy Kyle show, it’s easy to be caught up in the drama and scandal, but does it do you any good?  Does it cause you to feel annoyed, argumentative or fed up?  Who would consciously choose to feel this way?

More and more I find myself making a conscious decision to make choices which seek out the positive, which will help me grow, learn and raise my self-esteem.

If you know you are reading or watching media which doesn’t lift your spirits or make you smile, ask yourself “Is this moving me forward or holding me back in my development?”  This is your time, move away from the negative and find something more positive to focus on.

Quote of the day

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” Mahatma Gandhi

 Ali xx

Ali Soleil – Feminine Self Esteem Mentor

www.DaringDamsels.com

I know for myself, that often I would put my schedule and any free time behind any requests from family or friends who asked me to support them.  I definitely wanted to help them, but I am also aware now that often I was craving significance from these people in order to feel ‘noticed’, ‘indispensible’, ’worthy’, almost a reason for being.  If I said ‘no’ when asked for help, I’d feel guilty, as if I was letting them down.  Does this resonate with you?

For me I was brought up to always put others first and to not to be ‘selfish’ so it came naturally to be a willing helper.  However, since realising why I had been doing this and how it had become a negative pattern of behaviour (which was not serving me), I have become much more self aware.

It’s not wrong to be flexible and put yourself first, it’s not even selfish.  What is wrong is putting yourself at the end of the queue of people to whom you give support, wouldn’t you agree?  Be kind to yourself, take care of yourself after all, you’re fabulous!  If you’ve flown on an aeroplane you’ll know in the safety instructions before you take off; the air stewards give a demonstration and say that passenger carrying small children or babies, must put the oxygen mask first.  Help others happily whenever you want to, not because you feel you have no choice or because of a sense of duty.

If you recognise this pattern, and find it hard to say ‘no’ then acknowledge yourself for making this observation – that is fabulous and you are growing!  One way to deal with this pattern is to think of some good answer to give when saying ‘no’ and keep practicing them until they roll off the tongue.  Don’t feel guilty, this is your life – you own it, it is your time to choose how you spend it and for what purpose.   Give youself a reward of some kind words, put on a feel good song or give yourself a treat and let it go, think about something good.   Life is all about choices!

Wishing you oodles of self love

Ali xx

Ali Soleil – Feminine Self Esteem Mentor

www.DaringDamsels.com

Apart from lovely Winnie, other great teachers in my life include my amazing daughters Becky and Anna.  They really light my life and make my heart sing with happiness. 

I since they were born  – with Bexx  who will be 18 years in 3 days time and Anna coming up for 17, I have had to learn much about patience, being in the moment, unconditional love, sacrifice, negotiation skills, time keeping and much more. 

In recent years, I have been learning about detachment, learning not to judge, not to jump to conclusions, not to criticise, allowing them to take responsibility and letting them make their life decisions for themselves (with my guidance) and being ok with what they decide.  It’s not always easy to know the right thing to do, after all we don’t get a manual do we?  I certainly don’t get it right every time either, but I do my best for them.

I follow my intuition about what’s happening and keep all communication channels open. Sometimes as a parent I know I’ve wondered if I can cope with hearing what’s going on  – sometimes it can shock me, but I came to the conclusion many years ago that I would rather know and support than not know.  They are my girls and I love them whatever they get up to.   Because of this I feel so blessed and filled with gratitude, to be a big part of both girl’s lives with my dual role of being Mama and also best friend.

I wonder what my life could have been like if I’d not had them, it’s unimaginable now.  I’m heading towards a life without them being at home with me and that fills me with wonder.  It’s another learning stage and I’m looking forward to it – for all of us.

Wishing you happiness and learnings.

Ali xxx

Ali Soleil, Feminine Self Esteem Mentor

www.daringdamsels.com